I've never considered myself to be a plus-sized person until recently. A few years ago weighing in at roughly 55 kg, I was shopping for size 8s and smalls. That was back in 2013 when I had just moved out of home to Perth with a raging metabolism and having yet to acquire a taste for the good things in life (e.g. the constant availability of fried chicken).

I was short, pale, and stumpy. I still am to this day, although I have definitely put on some kilos as I left teenagerdom and entered my Terrible Twenties. My metabolism went down hill, and so too my ability to fit into anything I had bought from previous seasons. I kept having to go bigger in size, reminding myself that a size 12 doesn't equal "fat" like I had imagined it to for some stupid reason. And then suddenly, as if overnight, my thighs stopped fitting into my denim shorty-short-shorts that I had bought only months ago - then again, I'm pretty sure I bought the wrong size out of denial that I was any bigger, in addition to the lack of any larger sizes available.

Now, at nearly 22, I sit at 70-something kgs and getting comfy in a range of size 14-18 and a 16E brasier. I'm a vastly different shape to when I was only 18. Many things within that timeframe changed: I fell in love with a beautiful man, I moved several times (most recently in with the aforementioned Beautiful Man), I got a cat, my anxiety got better, my depression got worse, I got a new job, etc. etc. Lots and lots of Stuff and Things within that four year gap that had contributed to my steady weight gain.

I'm not mad at it, though. I used to be mad at my stretch marks and my cellulite, but not recently. I'm learning the value of body positivity and self-love, slowly but surely. I've let my body hair grow and thrive as little armpit gardens, and am happy to flaunt my full belly under my mum jeans. Many would consider my size to be "plus-sized" and while I'm on the cusp of being too big for "regular" (I say with a hint of sarcasm, since the average Australian woman is a size 14) and slightly too small for "plus-sized", my endeavour for on-trend, edgy clothing that will fit is leaving me pissed and bitter.

While I've found remarkable items on Boohoo.com and other online retailers, the struggle is definitely real. Most of the physical retail outlets available to me that boast a plus-size friendly range are more often that not targeted toward late-twenties/thirty-somethings to the more mature woman. I, undoubtedly, are neither of these. Where is my dope crop top referencing pop-culture lingo? Where are my effortless oversized tees? What about some God damn good quality strapless bras?!

This is a frustration that I have become to realise in the most recent months, and many others have been experiencing for a lifetime. While some retailers offer up to a 16, yet many don't or won't - especially designers or independent labels - go beyond a size 12. What this tells us is the same thing many "larger" women have been told over and over again: "We don't want fat people wearing our clothes. Fat people use to much fabric. Fat people don't deserve fashion."

If this is a frustration I am experiencing at a size 14-16, I cannot imagine the struggle of a size 18 or 24 women who just wants to feel sexy, or trendy, or pretty, or whatever, when they are constantly reminded by the fashion world that being fat and sexy are impossibilities.

Of course, this is entirely false and incredibly stupid - not to mention narrow-minded. We know this, but this bullshit ideology is handed to me every time I go out looking at clothes. Plus-sized people being ignored and/or punished by the fashion industry is a crappy reality that I am beginning to navigate. If any of you beautiful plus sized people find me on the way, please point me in the right direction, because obviously I'm lost as hell.

On that note, have a wonderful week.

Holly Christine Lee
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